A Glamour Don't

Look, I wish we lived in a perfect world. That would be nice. And one reason it would be nice is that people could wear what the hell they felt like wearing and nobody else would say or think anything about it or judge them by anything else than the content of their characters. I wish that were the case.

But we don't live in that world, do we? At least, I don't. Sometimes I judge people by what they're wearing, or wish they were wearing something else, all the time knowing that I myself come up short in this regard now and then. But now that I've confessed my own shortcomings, judgmental nature, and hypocrisy, I'm just going to let fly: Certain things should not be worn. Shapeless, billowing housedresses in brutally hot weather come to mind. People who wear them just look sad and defeated. And when you look defeated, it makes the rest of us wonder if we should keep struggling, or if we should just give up too. It's disheartening. I'm sorry that things should be this way but there you are. So please, if you're hot and feel like putting on a shapeless billowing housedress, think about the team's morale.

And then, of course, we have the dress shoes with dark, regular-length socks worn with shorts. I'm sorry, but I have to object to this on moral grounds. It's disturbingly incongruous—you look at the shoes, and they tell you to expect to see pants, and you look at the socks, and they tell you to expect to see pants, and then you keep looking upward and you experience a faint but distinct horror when you see that there are no pants there. Those pants are just so absent. It's the moral equivalent of walking around with one arm inside your sweater and the empty sleeve pinned up because it amuses you to watch people trying to ignore that empty sleeve. Life is hard enough for us all—if you're walking around like this, please: Put on sneakers, with some white socks too while you're at it, or put on pants.