Dirty Poole

I say often that I typically don't comment on the media circus—I say it every time I do comment on the media circus, actually—but I think I have a comment on the John Edwards thing that hasn't been made yet. Which is that I don't know Rielle Hunter—also known as Lisa Hunter, Lisa Jo Hunter, and Rielle Jaya James Druck—and she may be the most sensible, judicious person on the planet. But to my discerning eye, she seems like one of the world's biggest airheads. She's a rich kid who became an actress and documentary filmmaker, which pretty much says it all right there. (A former girlfriend used to say of such people, "I smell a trust fund.") But there's more—she's been featured by more than one Gen X novelist as the character Alison Poole, at one point described as an "ostensibly jaded, cocaine-addled, sexually voracious 20-year-old." I'm not sure what Mr. McInerny means by "ostensibly jaded," but at any rate, you get the idea—this is not the kind of woman who's going to cross the prairies with you and help build a new nation. She's an airhead, dude.

 And if you're a man with any common sense, if you're a man who's offering himself as a person with enough intelligence and judgment to lead the United States of America, then you damn well ought to have enough sense to a) identify an airhead when you see one and b) above all, not sleep with her and c) especially not sleep with her if you are married.

It just doesn't make sense. Here you are, an intelligent, commanding, successful, handsome guy, and you've thought it over and read the brochures and you've decided yes, I'm going to have an affair. Fine! But have an affair with someone nice and sensible. That's all I'm saying. No airheads. Otherwise you're the subject of a million standup jokes and you're facing articles of impeachment and things just go to hell overnight. Got it? It's easy—consider the likely consequences of your actions, if you're so darn smart. And then back away from the airhead.