But I Mean, Seriously—Funderburk?

Old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one—but the light bulb really has to want to change. Well, I really want to drag my attention away from this election cycle and attend to something more calming and soothing, like watching clothes slosh around in a washing machine. But I keep falling off the wagon, looking at Wonkette, and today it seems there's a mayor of a town called Fort Mill in South Carolina who's been kind of busted for sending a chain e-mail from his work account wondering if Obama is the AntiChrist because the Book of Revelation said, Mr. Funderburk believes, that this individual will be in his 40s and of Muslim ancestry.

Now, of course I see a whole lot of arms flung up and hands waving all over the classroom, and I know what you want to say. I really would like to get in touch with Winthrop University, where Mr. Funderburk got his BA in Communications, and ask if there's a history requirement there. The Book of Revelation predates Islam by a number of centuries, and if it was at all explicit about Islam, that would be pretty remarkable. Revelation is a lot of fun, certainly, but over the years a number of people have wondered just how seriously we should take it. (One of those people was Martin Luther. He said he could "in no way detect that the Holy Spirit produced it," and frankly, neither can I.)

Anyway, it's amazing what you learn when you follow politics these days, that's all I can say. I do find Mr. Funderburk and the sudden publicity of his predicament rather endearing. And I hope, sir, that you don't mind if I call you "Danny." He told the Charlotte Observer that he sent the e-mails wondering if there was Scripture that would settle the question because he was "just curious." If you're that curious, Danny, check this out.

Me, I'm perfectly willing to take Danny Funderburk at his word, and quash any thought people might have that the most logical explanation for his floating the supposition that a black man with a foreign-sounding name who's running for president might be the AntiChrist is because Danny's a little—well, you know—racist, maybe. Personally I think it might be funny-name self-hatred. It can't be easy, going through life being named Danny Funderburk and trying to get people to take you seriously. I mean, on the schoolyard? When you're seven? It leaves a scar, and I think that if Danny Funderburk is a little suspicious of other people with funny names, we should try as hard as we can to understand and accept him and, frankly, love him. Here's where you can learn more about Danny Funderburk, a proactive (he says that a lot) leader who's really putting Fort Mill, South Carolina on the map. And that's all I have to say about politics today.