My God Am I Smart

So I'm sitting here this morning, perusing the digital equivalent of the morning newspaper, and contemplating the Waning Days of the Grand Tradition of Journalism. I'm looking at the headlines, and one is from Time magazine about why people are fatter in the South. People are fat all over the U.S., of course, and they're getting fatter in lots of other countries too, but they're fatter in the South and by God, I was about to find out why.

Turns out they don't get enough exercise, is the problem.

Oh.

No but really, one problem is the roads are narrow because they don't have to put the snow anywhere because there isn't any, as a rule, so you can't walk along the roads. And there's little public transportation, so people don't get the soupcon of exercise you get from walking to the bus. They drive everywhere, see. Plus which it's too hot in the South to exercise outside in the summer. Ah ha! Boy, those high-paid journalists! They just get to the bottom of things.

But anyway, I was pondering solutions to the problem, and it came to me in a flash: If people in the North are getting a modicum of exercise by walking to the bus, let's establish a commission and study how far they're walking. Then you encourage the folks in the South to park their cars at other people's houses, at least as far away as the Northerners are walking for the bus. Now everyone is exercising!

If I say so myself, this is an elegantly simple solution. If you'd like me to try to solve any problem you might have yourself, just get in touch via the comments and I'll get back to you. No buzzwords, reasonable fees, just good old Yankee ingenuity, if you'll pardon the expression.

OK, 8 a.m., got my own problems to solve thnxbai.