Terrible Tunes

The Christian Science Monitor proves, on this Halloween morning, that newspapers still serve an important role in society—well, the websites of things that used to sort of be newspapers, anyway. What they did was tell us how the song "The Monster Mash" came about, and proclaim in a sidebar that it is "one of the most annoying human artifacts ever produced." That would be enough, but the sidebar lists 20 better songs you could play for this day. (Radio station programmers, take note.)

Newspaper (sort of) people have to focus and stick to the subject. But bloggers don't! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! So let's consider what's the most annoying human artifact ever. "Baby on board" signs? Anyone remember those? What was up with that? I'd like to hear suggestions on this—my mind is certainly open. But on one subject I will brook no dissent, on one subject I'm quite certain, and that is what's the most annoying holiday song ever. This holiday song is unalloyed Brill Building schlock, it's cringe-making valueless exploitative vapid soulless crap, and it has that worst of all qualities—it sticks in your head. I find I really can't even say the name. Brrr. Please, as a species, let's treat this like, say, human sacrifice and just get beyond it.

Update: I wondered why the 20 better songs are only rock. Classical has tons of spooky stuff if you really want to set the mood: Saint-Saens' "Danse Macabre," Mussorgsky's "Night on Bald Mountain," lots of other possibilities. I mean, when your car breaks down in a thunderstorm and you have to go ask for help at that old house on the hill, or the haunted castle that people round about only mention in a whisper or whatever it is, what kind of music is playing inside? Rock? I don't think so.