Wikipedia 1, Whimsy 0

It's been damn cold across the Northern Hemisphere, and last night it was pretty damn chilly right in my living room. The cat was snuggled against me for dear life, and I figured the thermostat was simply exhausted from overuse and wasn't working right, so I got up and turned the heat up five degrees.

Within a few minutes it was warm and cozy again, and I got to thinking about the first person who managed to control and start fires. There had to to be first person: I can imagine that some things evolved—language, art, music, say—but you're either lighting a fire or you're not. I figure someone was working with some flint, and a spark hit some wood shavings or grass or something, and it blazed up a bit and smoked, and this person said "Hmmm." And then kept experimenting, and one thing led to another.

I was further imagining how awesome it would be to be that person. It was probably a nerdy, engineering-type person, not that great at the hunting and gathering actually, and maybe not so smooth socially. But man, once you discover fire, you're pretty much set. See, I placed this discovery among the Cro-Magnon, with the glaciers and tundra and all that. And I figured this person gets a nice fire going, and everyone is sitting around, totally comfortable for the first time in human history. This comfort is a delight they had never dreamed of, and they're all just cheering for our fire-starting person and everything is wonderful.

But then, against my better judgment, I checked this on Wikipedia. Every time I check something that I enjoy believing on Wikipedia, it seems things didn't really happen that fun way I think they did. And it was just that way—it seems people started controlling and starting fires (well, as far as we know) about 125,000 years ago, in the Homo erectus days. And it was in Africa, fer Chrissakes. It probably never even got cold enough there that you'd want to put a sweatshirt on at night. They were firing clay pots and cooking and so forth, and yes, it was a turning point in human history and blah blah blah. But by the time the cave people were hunkering down in the caves in Europe, fire had been around for a hundred thousand years. Old stuff, in other words. They certainly took it for granted, because even if they live in caves, people are still people.

So I guess I'll have to imagine the first time other things happened—the first person to eat an avocado, say, or turn a cartwheel. And if it's fun to imagine I think I'll enjoy the vision for a while before I check it out on Wikipedia. Wikipedia can be kind of a buzzkill that way, actually.